Rewards

Has it almost been a month since I posted last. Yep it has. To say I'm bust is an understatement. From work, to household chores to deconstructing my kitchen for the upcoming remodel, to doing Door Dash, life is quickly passing me by. To add to the chaos, my wife and I have had a sinus issue the past couple of weeks. I blame all the flowers and trees on that one as we are in full bloom here in East TN. Allergies morphed into a full blown sinus infection and cough and lethargy and well, you have probably experienced the rest. Speaking of rest, that's what we have done for the past two weeks is rest, putting pretty much everything on hold. Now that I am feeling better, the back log of projects and responsibilities is huge. One day at a time right.

I used to shut down at the prospect of such a daunting schedule. I used to curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb if more than two things came into my wheelhouse. I can only process or do one thing at a time, I'm a touch ADD that way. The reason I state this, is because Jesus changed the way I perceive and deal with tasks. They used to be monsters that wanted to do me harm and humiliate me if I couldn't get them done right or fast enough. Now as they come at me, I don't project my identity on them. Example: If a father/husband is known for fixing cars and he's comfortable doing that but he's terrible at plumbing then his identity is in fixing cars because it brings rewards with it. It bring accolades and praises and love from those you help. However, if he fixes a toilet and screws it up the first go around, then he hears the backlash and comments. He doesn't find a reward in plumbing so plumbing projects get dismissed, looked over and undone because the reward isn't there. 

Don't we all seek a reward system. Kids are introduced quickly to this as they are continuously given reward for good behavior. We think as adults, that we don't stoop to those childish ways but those childish ways have morphed into adult attitudes and character. Would any of us stay at a job if the reward didn't outweigh the pain of it. I stayed at a job I hated for 23 years because the reward was greater than what was elsewhere. So, back to the husband. How do we get him to plumb the toilet for us. His attitude of reward needs to shift from a reward paradigm to a love paradigm. He seeks jobs that reward him with self love. If he fixes a car, people may pay him, monetary reward, people may give him accolades around work or school or throughout the neighborhood, that's emotional reward. All the rewards add up to an identity. He thinks people only love him if he's working on cars but not if he's plumbing. His identity is in what he can do.

It's no wonder we project our need for approval onto God. From childhood we see, good behavior brings good rewards, regardless if the reward is physical, monetarily or emotional. So, with God we think He operates in the same ways. We do good, he rewards us. However, that is the furthest from the truth. Can we say that God is love and in Him is nothing that is human nature? Yes we can, and if we truly understand what love is, then we can understand that our performance isn't reflective of His affections towards us.

We cannot go around thinking He is displeased with us because our performance today was subpar. He loves the man when he works on cars but He doesn't like him when he does plumbing. To read that statement out loud is ridiculous but apply that premise to our entire lives. If we go to church or read our Bible everyday or pray or do good deeds or tithe, then and only then is God pleased with us. It's where we get all the stupid laws. Do this and not that and God will be happy with you and bless you. If we believe in this then we take away the sacrifice of the cross and we blaze a trail of righteousness by ourselves. We cannot come to God through works and works will not maintain your relationship. Works comes as you are changed by the Spirit. The consequence of the Spirit in you is transformation and good works which aren't derived from self but from Him.

This leaves us out of the equation and leaves all the glory for Him. I may have had the inclination, OK my mind did go to this reward system while I've been away from writing and so busy. I may have fallen into the rut of thinking God is displeased because I haven't spent much time with him. And like our kids who refuse to tell us why they did wrong or tell us the truth even when we know the truth, my mind refused to just say here I am Lord. Instead, I've avoided and done the runaround trying to avoid the displeasure of His scowl. You ever been more upset at a child because they lied or skirted around telling you the truth, instead of being mad at what they actually did. From the child's perspective though, the act of being disobedient is much worse in their eyes than lying about it. 

So, we all fail in our own eyes. It is our eyes that judge more harshly than those over us. We cannot pursue the constant comfort of the things we know and are good at, but we must also pursue those things that are hard and limit our reward. For our reward is Him. It's not performance or lack of. We are not measured by the failures or successes of life but we are measured by the love of God. Seek not our own understanding but seek Him. 

Identify as a cleansed Son of God, flawless, beautiful, clean and without spot or wrinkle. Don't see yourself and grade yourself under the good and bad quota system but see that you are washed white and righteous. For in Him we are all without blemishes.

To God be the Glory! 

Awaken

The moment we worry about something, we move from faith to self. It's hard to fathom the small nuances of faith and self. The transition between the two can be so unnoticeable that it goes undetected for days, weeks or months. In my case, a month or more. Faith is how we let God to work. We step aside and let Him do His thing in us but as soon as worry comes, doubt is not far behind and then a full blown melt down is on the way because you've tried to take control. Even someone that has been diving deep lately and seeking can get sidetracked. I think my fatal flaw came when I worried about my time with God and being too busy. When I worried about not spending enough time with Him, it set me up to doubt His love for me. His love is unconditional, not conditional. Whether I seek or not, whether I have time or not He loves me all the same. My mind said, time equals relationship, so no time equals loss of relationship. He doesn't leave when we are busy. He doesn't pout when we don't pay attention to Him. He's not like our partners or friends that demand attention. He wants relationship and it is a good thing but He doesn't turn His back on you when you ignore Him. It's not His nature. We on the other hand, attribute Earthly emotions to Him and create a scenario that never fits who He is. We assume He's mad, vindictive and jealous of how we treat Him. We assume He gets mad at us because that's what our parents did when we screwed up. We attribute our parents behaviour to Him and that isn't Him. God loves us despite our attempts, our mess ups or wrong turns. It's His ability to do this that draws us to Him, but when we doubt that love, we set ourselves up for failure.         Have you ever witnessed a child that raises their voice and says, "I can do it myself?" We all have and the parent steps aside to watch the child fail or succeed. With God we must learn to trust and have faith in Him always. We don't have too much time left to fail, wallow in self pity, then crawl back, then repeat. We and I mean I, must realize my position in God. A Son, bought and paid for by the blood of Christ, raised with Him from the dead into a greater purpose in God. That purpose, to be fully surrendered to Him in love, faith and trust. To never doubt or see myself as anything lower than His son. I can't go on in limbo, I must pursue.                   God bring me deeper in you. Bring me a revelation into how you see me. For everyone reading this too. We cannot do anything worth value without you. For we have not loved like you or have had faith like you but we need those things. I pray we fully understand our position in you. That we come to the end of self and become fully immersed in you. Lord, open our eyes and let us see for the first time.

To God be the Glory!

Fear of Falling

Trillium and Phlox 

I've stumbled Father and it is hard to admit it. I've stumbled and it is hard to come back to the place I was before. Guilt stands in my way as I know I have done wrong. It eats at me and causes shame yet I know you want me to just repent and return to the path I was on. Admitting to you my lack is not my fear. It's the worry of letting you down over and over again but I know I must let my idea of doing anything in my own power go. For I know these things in my mind yet my heart is full of trepidation. It is having a hard time catching up with truth. My heart says one thing and my mind tries to convince it of another. Truth is truth and I can know truth but my Father must make it real in my heart. 

Failure, is an awful thing. It can take your joy and your vision. It can rob you of relationship if you let it and I have let it do that. 

Core function of your body happens even in a coma. If your mind shuts down and you cognitive functions are no longer, somehow your brain keeps telling you heart to beat and your lungs to breathe. You are not aware but you mind has an autopilot mode where it keeps you alive during traumatic injuries. It's like putting your car in neutral, the engine is running but you won't get anywhere. For me, stepping out and away from pursuing the Father daily, I went into neutral. Engine running and basic understandings still functioning but going no where. Active pursuit wasn't going on, I was just revving the engine sitting still. 

The thing for me is knowing the difference between being in neutral and being in gear. I know the difference and it eats at you when your not moving forward. However, it is tuff to maintain forward momentum when you don't fully rely on God to get you through. God is the fuel and the GPS system in our car analogy. We can't move, start the engine or have any functions without the fuel. Once the fuel is added, then we must have a direction to go in. Hence, God is the fuel and GPS. My car has been sitting in the garage for a few weeks now. I haven't even driven it, started the engine or had the desire to do so, yet I knew I had to push through and reestablish what I had.

I laid in the bed just a little while ago, with a battle going on in my mind. Roll over or go face my ineptitudes. That's the issue right there, is it not. Facing your problems head on instead of burying them. Problems tend to manifest into bigger issues if left unresolved. Instead of dealing with them, most people tend to avoid them which causes them to fester like a cancer. One day, that cancer consumes you and it takes a major surgery to remove it with God holding the knife. Daily maintenance of your body includes eating healthy, exercising, sleep and hydration. This keeps the body functioning correctly. Leave off just one and the body suffers. With God, there are the same type of daily functions that need to take place in order to maintain a healthy functioning relationship. Lately, I've been sitting on the couch eating potato chips, watching TV instead of the healthy way of living. Of course this is figurative. In reality, I am so busy that I don't have time to watch TV at all and there's my issue. Time. It is time spent doing other things and keeping busy to the point of not having enough spent with God. It's the

main issue I think we have when it comes with not having a relationship with Him. 

The pursuit of things that have to be done and want to be done outweigh the relationship that must be done. Because, without Him at the helm, there is no point of pursuing the other things. It becomes meaningless and pointless in the end if we gain all and lose Him. He is the whole point for being. He is the whole reason I am who I am. He stitched me together in my mother's womb. He has had a hand on me from day one. He pursued me, loves me and wants the best for me. Yet, we stumble and fall. We skin our knees and our ands from time to time. We are left with the scabs of our decisions until they completely heal, hoping a scar isn't left. He can heal our scars though and he can restore us to brand new. We just have to let Him.

Today, if you think you've fallen and can't get back up, believe me I have been there. Yet, when we fall, our eyes are looking at the ground instead of looking up to the outstretched hand waiting to pull us up. The shame of falling, the pain of the impact, the blame game in your mind, all keep us from looking up. We fell and we knew we fell. We hurt ourselves and we can't deal with it. I know. However, staying on the ground for fear of stumbling again only leaves you on the ground. Take His hand and He will teach and guide us so we won't stumble again. Take His hand and let Him dust you off and heal your wounds so you can start walking with Him again. 

For me, this is therapy. To write out what I'm thinking and conveying what I'm going through. I pray this helps someone realize there need for Him. I pray this helps someone to reach out to the hand that is waiting.

To God be the Glory!!  

 

Easter

Easter Day: The Day of Resurrection

 

I started writing this on Easter but now it is several days later. The weekend was my wife's birthday so we celebrated that and Easter and a bunch of other things to do, so time is not been available to write. I woke up way before I needed to today and knew God wanted some time with me. It has been a while. So, the only thing I have to write about is the whole phenomena called Easter weekend, from Good Friday to Easter Sunday. 

My first question, did Jesus specifically call us to forever remember and celebrate His death and resurrection? I don't believe He did. The reason for that is, celebrations, feasts, and seasons can all be turned into religious practices. Which means, it can become a program filled with egg hunts, sunrise services, dinners, and the whole Easter traditions but the hearts of those that celebrate can be far away from God. A pagan can celebrate Easter. Anyone can. It isn't an exclusive club where they check your ID at the door. Sorry you don't have your Christian card, your not aloud to celebrate. Nope, that doesn't happen. In fact, many people celebrate Easter through a rabbit and egg hiding, which is the furthest away from our Lord hanging on a cross as it gets. 

So, anyone can celebrate it but those that are fully surrendered to God celebrate Him everyday, not just twice a year, birth and death. We ought to celebrate our relationship with Him each morning as we get up. We ought to walk each minute in celebration for those moments He sacrificed Himself for us but we should put it into perspective. The perspective is now not then. We have a habit of celebrating Jesus for what He did over 2,000 years ago. We take His life and put it on a pedestal and worship what He accomplished then. What about now though. Can we not stop celebrating the past to enjoy the relationship we have now with Him?

If we constantly told our spouse how lovely they were at your wedding every year on your anniversary, wouldn't the relationship suffer. If you constantly relived your day of marriage and held it in a higher esteem than being with them today, a divorce may be in order. Yes anniversaries are good to have but let them celebrate today and not the day of. Jesus is moving today. He is active today. He saves today. Why then must we look back twice a year and celebrate what happened instead of what is happening. 

Easter is a celebration of death, burial and resurrection and without that, we have nothing. So it is a good thing to understand and to know but to rehash the events throughout the church worldwide each and every year is a bit extreme. I appreciate what happened on the cross but I'm not reenacting it so I can appreciate it. I'm not going to play it out over and over each year in plays. If we keep our minds in the past, we can never move forward in Him. 

I think that a lot of people think of Christ as a Biblical hero, set on a page, for us to remember. As such, they tend to think of Him in a far off place, out there somewhere in space. It keeps Jesus as an impersonal deity looking down from above. Even Jesus said, we, meaning Him and the Father, would make their home in us for those who believed and obeyed. Is it so hard to believe that. For some, holding them at a distance affords them the ability to live their lives how they want to. For others, they feel condemned by their actions and how they conduct their lives. So, instead of getting personal, lets keep them at a distance. Instead of sacrificing ourselves and seeing ourselves on the cross, lets celebrate Him on their instead.

Christ did say, pick up your cross and follow me, did He not. So if we continue to focus on Him up their on the cross, then we don't have to see us up their. I die daily, said Paul. Meaning He sacrificed His wants and His needs for the gospel of Christ. Can we say the same. I know I can't. I know I can't say my preferences come last or never come at all. I can't say God is first in all my ways. Which is why I write. It helps me focus and get myself back on that cross, at least the side of me that needs to be up there, which is the flesh.

To me, Easter is just another day. Did not God say He hates our feast days and our celebrations due to the lack of repentance. Israel was n big trouble for not taking care of its poor and widowed. They cheated, stole and raised money up higher than they did God. They did the sacrifices out of a religious duty instead of reverence for God. They made it into a hollow gesture and because of it, God said, I hate your sacrifices and your feasts. It was their hearts that turned from righteousness and did evil continually even though they still did what was required by law.

Some Christians today feel obligated to attend Easter services, even when they don't attend regularly. They live lives completely for themselves then expect to claim the blood every Easter. God is love and He hates iniquity. The blood is there to get us back to Him. It like we were on one side of a deep canyon and God was on the other. We could see His side and worship from a distance but we couldn't be where He was or He couldn't be where we were. So, Jesus built a bridge across the expanse so we can walk across and be with the Father. Yet for some, they still stand on this side and use the same old festivals to worship Him from a distance. 

I don't get it sometimes. I don't get why some just don't want to have a personal relationship with Him. Is it too hard to admit fault? Is it too hard to see their need? Is it too hard to believe He love them? Is it too hard to see beyond the lies? I don't know, all I know is He is there, like a ripe fruit waiting to be picked and eaten. Let His love overwhelm you and cleanse you of all the stuff keeping you from knowing Him fully. 

To God be the Glory!

Sifting Out The Truth

It is amazing how our minds can be persuaded to believe. Take the news for example, every news outlet could run a bold face lie, completely manufactured and as long as it sounds plausible, most people will believe it as truth. They will go to work talking about it. Debate will rise over the subject and eventually fanatics will defend it to the bitter end. They will die defending a complete untruth. How many of us are lied to daily by leaders, industry, individuals, and people we trust, yet we buy into their lies hook, line and sinker. 

The enemies of God, which are enemies of truth, go throughout our land and try to mold our minds into something that is close to the truth but not quite the truth. It's a mixture of the two that throws us off and when lies come flooding in, they are always mixed with truth. If you were to take a sip of something rancid or nasty, you'd spit it out but add sugar to it and you'd drink the whole thing no questions asked. There's a bit of sugar in every lie. It helps us believe it and defend it to the end. 

"Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes truth" is a quote from a Nazi, Joseph Goebbels. Which in WW2 the Nazi convinced an entire country to kill another race of humans known as the Jews. Their lies, made truth, deceived many and would come to the death of  an estimated total of 70-85 million people worldwide. Jews, military and citizens all came to their demise from the lies the German leaders told. Portraying themselves as victims and rallying their nation under one flag of patriotism, they went to war with Europe and eventually the world. To the bitter end, the Nazi propaganda machine cranked out lies even as the truth filtered into the country through outside means. All told, the lies of a few fanatical German leaders, led to the destruction of cities and lives. 

Todays the war machine is still going on in our minds. Facts mixed with lies and then lies backed up by other lies fly in our faces daily. As we move closer to Artificial Intelligent systems controlling our everyday lives, can we tell what is real anymore. The deep fake videos, the art AI does, the voice manipulation AI can do all play into a world where we won't be able to tell who is who or if what they are saying is true. With current technology AI can make the president of the United States say anything and do anything and then put it on TV. Leaders can now be fully generated, image and voice, to say anything. Someone could die and they could portray them for years after their death with the AI technology we now have. Fake videos, if seen enough times, could become truths as the Nazi's did over 80 years ago. 

This epidemic of lies comes from the father of lies himself, Lucifer. He is the master deceiver and always will be. The first propagandist, he convinced Eve that no harm would befall her if she partook of the forbidden fruit. Today, the web of lies continues. So how do we filter out the lies and only get the truth. Relationship with the one true Father, the Father of truth and love is the only way. 

The gateway of the mind is the key to it all. If the mind is set, then the heart can follow. If the mind is deceived the heart cannot follow and as we all know the Father is after our heart. The mind says whether it believes in something. We call that faith. If the mind says Jesus died, rose, and lives in me if I believe then it is so. But if there's doubt going on in the mind then everything grinds to a halt. The soldier that came to have Jesus heal his servant came in faith that He could do it without being there. His faith was greater than the Jews as they needed to see miracles to have proof. Yet, here is a non-Jew that has more faith by knowing without a shadow of a doubt that He could heal his servant. So, the mind is the gateway to faith and without faith we cannot have what we need. 

It takes faith to activate God into moving for us. In faith we receive forgiveness. In faith we believe He has washed us white as snow. In faith we receive the Holy Spirit. In faith we believe we walk in the Spirit. It takes faith which is activated by the mind. The heart is changed by God as we believe He can do so. So, it is very important we do not find ourselves caught up in lies. 

We cannot live up to our full potential by living in lies. We cannot be who God has made us to be living in lies. It takes a pure truth to move in the right direction. Any log jam upstream causes issues downstream. 

How do we avoid the lies? Go to the source. Go to God for all your understanding. Build a relationship up with Him so you know His will for your life. Sounds simple but it requires faith, sacrifice and time. Seek and you will find, knock and He will answer. Hunger and you will be fed, thirst and you shall be quenched.

To God be the Glory.

A Bit Overwhelmed

 

          I've tried to write this post three different times and in those times, I have deleted them about two paragraphs in. I am struggling. I have too many things going on now that we are in full Spring mode. I did get one project done, the van and now we are staring down the barrel of a full kitchen remodel and to help pay for that we have been doing Door Dash on the side. If we aren't doing Door Dash we are walking in the evenings. Either way, my nights have been late and my bed time around midnight or later. Last night we went to bed relatively early, around 11pm but now I'm up at 5am. So here I am, not frustrated but very busy and the only thing I may be frustrated over is my lack of dedication to God.

Yes, after all the instructions and all the posts, I have come to a point where there's a crack in my armor. I do fully know and admit that my time with the Lord has dwindled vastly. My middle of the night prayer sessions have all but ended due to our late nights and I miss them. 

One thing about being busy, is the motivation to purposefully spend time with God. There's a switch that gets flipped in your mind and often times you don't even know it happened. Very subtly and slowly we go from full on dedication to apostasy without even knowing it has happened. Excuses and lies form in our minds and then the ability to hear the Spirit is gone. If that happens the enemy has full control and we lose. I've been down that rabbit hole and it is no wonderland, trust me. Instead it is a deep dark place full of nothing but pain and loathing. So, I know all spectrums and right now I must set time aside. 

It is a slippery slope messing around the edge of dedication and self. Self is so alluring and it entices constantly. Dedication to God takes sacrifice. Out of the two, we must make up our minds, which we pursue. I choose God always because out of God is joy and contentment. He is truly the one to pursue. 

When in a struggle, I and you must remember not to try and work your way back to God. He is always there, He never left. It just feels like it when we screw up because we step away from Him not the other way around. His love for us is eternal and He will never leave us or forsake us. We however can chose to do that very thing. We step away and blame Him for our temptations and troubles. When we feel like we are drifting away, we cannot under any circumstances blame God for it. We also cannot try and work our way back to Him.

Work on our part is studying the Bible more, going to church more, listening to more sermons or volunteering at the church more. These things are fine to do but they will not reestablish relationship. The heart is where we begin with our trip back. No one likes to admit their faults. No one likes to say they screwed up. Most think by doing so it shows weakness but that's the whole point. We must bear our faults to God and expose our wretchedness to Him. He is the great physician and only He can heal. If we keep the nastiness bottled up inside, it will spread out and consume all parts of you and anyone around you. So, we must confess our sins before God and He will be faithful to wipe away the tears and forgive. 

Instead of works, our minds must realign back to faith in Him. Works cannot bring us back but an alignment with truth can. We must get back to the fundamentals of relying on God through faith. Flesh is strong but God is stronger if we rely on Him. We cannot say, I can't. If we believe we will always succumb to the desires of the flesh then God's ability to work in us has been shut off. He works when we believe He can work. He won't do His part unless we believe He can. His love overwhelms us and takes us under His wings and we should feel safe in it. Under Him we should be bold in saying my flesh cannot tempt me. Under Him we say my God is my fortress and nothing can come against Him.

When we stand with Him, no harm can come to us. If we step outside of His protection though and think we can do it all, then we are in trouble. Fully rely on His grace to keep you and protect you. Fall back into His arms and let Him keep you from harm. I admit my life has been way too busy and I have been reaping the results. I won't let my relationship suffer any longer though and I refuse to let Him go. 

He is my one true love. He brings me so much joy and I cannot forsake that. Neither can you. So, struggles happen. Struggles cannot ruin your relationship as long as you realize it, confess it and run right back to Him. Don't let the struggle define you but be defined by God's love. 

To God be the Glory! Forever, Amen!