Remodeling Your Home

Yep, that's my house and yes it's getting a whole new exterior. After nearly fifty years, this old house has seen a lot of remodeling and renovation and right about now your asking, is this a Christian blog or a home remodeling one? Both. 

We all have a story of some kind about a fixer upper project we've tackled at one point in our lives. For me, I've had many. They disrupt and inconvenience your daily life to the point of aggravation and sometimes anger. Yet the results after are usually worth the struggles. Our walk in Jesus is very much like a home remodeling. Let me explain. When we first come to Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit, they need to do some remodeling within our heart. We've gone from a sinful selfish nature to their nature and that transition doesn't happen overnight. In some cases, transformations in certain aspects of people's lives do change right away but the deep issues take time.

The Holy Spirit is like a home inspector and general contractor. Jesus is the architect and foreman and God owns the construction company. When we come to them, the Holy Spirit does an immediate assessment of your heart, the home of your soul. He makes a list of all the things that needs to be redone. Some of the code violations, He'll get to work on immediately. The way He works, He doesn't just slap a coat of paint over mold, He rips it all out and replace it with new.

The blueprint of life is faith, hope and love. Our heart, mind and soul must match those things in order to be a properly built house for God to dwell in. Remember, God wants to dwell among His people again like He did in the Garden of Eden. Because of our sin, we became inhabitable for Him. Then Jesus comes along and basically does like any good contractor would do, He gets the permits to do the construction needed on our house. All we have to do is recognize that we live in a failing home and it needs help, lots of help. 

Once called upon, the Holy Spirit starts ripping out old, to get ready for the new. Rot, mold, holes in the walls, water damage, leaks, electrical issues and outdated designs are all going to be replaced over time. 

I've personally have been under construction for over twenty years now and a lot has changed in this old house. I'm not who I was and I'm not quite who I need to be so the work continues. Speaking of work, did you know you work hand in hand with them to help remodel your house. It's your home, they will not start on any remodeling until you are on board with it. They hand you a list of needed things to be done but you must sign the contract that says it's OK to do the work. Some folks think that home renovations are automatically done and when you sign the initial contract, yes some things get cleaned up right away. Maybe the yard and landscaping is done first, perhaps a coat of paint on the outside. For some, curb appeal, is enough for them. They ignore the deep issues within and choose to have the outside look good. However, like any home, if there's an interior issue, it will compromise the entire structure over time. Those issues, no matter how much the cost, need to be taken care of. God won't dwell in a compromised house, all issues must be dealt with. 

For me, this all hits home, literally. I know I've been speaking metaphorically but the analogy works. We are a house and in our house, there is rot and ruin that needs to be taken care of. When we come to Jesus in faith and accept Him as our savior, we also accept the fact that He's going to point out everything wrong with us through the Holy Spirit. Like home projects, some are easier to repair than others and get done quickly. Then there's those issues deep within that require ripping and cutting and removing of old roting structure that we've lived with for so long. That type of work could take weeks, months or years to fix. It all depends on our willingness to get rid of it.

Ever cleaned out a closet? You pull all the stuff out in an attempt to organize and get rid of all the stuff you've crammed in it over the years. In the end,  nothing gets removed because you can't bring yourself to get rid of that jacket you wore twenty years ago. You hold onto stuff because it brings back memories. The process of cleaning out a closet or remodeling a house is the same as us cleaning out our heart. Without us realizing it though, we hang on to old junk like hate, anger, unforgiveness and more because they are comfortable to us. Construction and remodeling are very uncomfortable and we avoid acknowledging our issues so we can avoid getting rid of them. Our construction team will not work unless we let them. They are there to show us what needs to be fixed and we must say yes in order for the work to be done. 

We could spend a long time in this but the gist of it is this. Do not hesitate to ask for the Holy Spirit to do an assessment on your home. Let Him point out your issues to you. Then work with Him to tear out the rot and replace it with new. Trust me it's a painful process but so worth it in the end. The end will definitely out weigh the process.

I hope you didn't get too lost in all the back and forth analogies. It's how my brain is wired. Anyway, I hope this may get things rolling between you and God. Ask Him to show you your issues, confess to the issue He shows you. Humble yourself and ask Him to remove it from you and work with Him to do so. Sounds simple. With some things, yes. With others no. Just depends on how deep the issue is. Trust the process, it'll be worth it in the end.

To God Be The Glory!

Feelings of Worth

Feelings of worth or better put, do I feel worth anything? It's hard when you've been nursing a sprained knee and a pulled back for a week and a half. Laying in bed or sitting on the couch has been my go to since it happened. Rest assured, I have been seeing a chiropractor and it's helped. However, today has been rough. I've felt pretty worthless in the grand scheme of things. I'm supposed to be getting our converted van ready for our big trip in October but with these issues, I physically can't. I can't stand for too long or walk too long either. Stuff around the house is being done by my wife. She's working and doing house work which makes me, again, feel pretty worthless. It has just hit me hard today. 

However, I have to remember one thing. Jesus died for me. He saw value in me. I remember the day when I finally felt the full weight of His love for me. Because, we can read about His love, we can hear about it, but until it is revealed to your heart, you don't fully understand it. Have you ever told someone a joke and they just don't get it. It takes them a minute to realize the joke but when they get it, their face lights up, a huge smile and often laughter follows. You can see it on their faces, they go from a puzzled look to a look of understanding in a split second. 

That's what it's like to be given understanding or revelation in your heart. Before you heard about it but now you truly get it. The experience is followed by, elation, overwhelming happiness and sometimes strong emotions. The day I understood how much God loved me, which happened a decade or more ago, I was driving to work and I was in the car by myself. I liked to pray or talk to God when I drove and it often was questions I had about scripture. I'd mull things over with Him basically. Well, I said out loud, He loves me, more as a reinforcing statement to myself but as I said it, I was completely enveloped with a strange warm feeling. It was like a hug and in my heart for the first time I felt Him say I love you. 

I repeated it over and over, He loves me, and the more I said it the more real it became.

I was quickly overwhelmed and I bawled like a child all the way to work. 

Back then I did feel worthless. I had seasons of depression that seemed to last too long. It was wrong to feel this way and be a Christian, I thought, yet there I was, until that day in the car.

Even today, when I feel useless, worthless, tired, and just plain blah, I think back to that day. You see, I have had childhood issues where I've felt abandoned and unloved. It really affected me up to that point because at that moment in the car, Jesus grabbed me, pulled me into His chest and said I love you! Not only I love you but you are worthy of my love. 

Let all that sink in. Can you honestly tell yourself you feel loved, you know without a shadow of a doubt you're loved by God. If not, pray He reveals it to you.

So, I'm here writing this, feeling two things, love and uselessness.Can they coexist? In a way yes.

I believe we are hard wired for two things, to be loved and to have a purpose. In a nutshell, we all want to be loved by someone and there's a lot of misguided ways to find it. However, love can only come from one source and that's God. I once heard a quote, you can't love others properly because we don't know what love is. We think we know but 99% of us cannot really grasp what pure, unmolested love is. Most of us get or give a form of love that comes with limits. You'll love only so far but as soon as that threshold is reached, no more love.

For example, in marriage, often times the threshold is infidelity. Once someone breaks their vow it's over, love is severed because in that scenario, love was always a tenuous condition equalized by meeting standards of practice between the couple. In other words, you do for me, I do for you. Once one of them stops meeting the others required acts of "love", the balance is upset. You see, most relationship are built on mutual satisfaction. You meet my needs, I'll meet your needs. If one stops meeting the other one's needs then anger fills their heart instead. 

Love, real Godly love, isn't contingent on how someone treats you or how much they reciprocate your love. Real love is never offended, and never ending.

In 1 Corinthians 13 we see that Love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, not proud, dishonors no one, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no records of wrongs, does not delight in evil, rejoices with the truth and it always protects.

I don't think we can live up to these standards but we can receive them. The more we let God love us, the more we understand what love is. We can only give to others what we understand. 

So, now that I've gone off on a rabbit trail, let's get back to the worthiness we discussed. Can we really feel worth anything in the light of His love. Probably not and I think that's the point. His love is so bright, so perfect, He loves us whether or not we are worthy of it. We cannot dilute his love for us by any means. 

That's important for us to understand. No matter our input, His love never waivers. No matter if we feel like garbage or our lives are a complete disasters, it doesn't affect the fact that God loves us. 

Our only task is to come to a complete surrender of that fact. Only by accepting the fact of His unconditional love for you, will you truly find peace. 

Yes peace, the peace that passes all understanding. That peace! Because when you realize and accept His love for you, everyone and everything you've tried to get love from, pails in comparison. The search is over and His love can now flow through you into others.

So, on a bad day like I've had. I just have to remember one thing. He loves me! Simple, yet profoundly transformative. The problem is staying focused. Instead of trying to measure my worthiness by what I can contribute, I need to remember everything I just wrote. Hence the reason I write. To remind myself and maybe help others that read. So I'll sign off like this instead of my normal way so we can all remember. 

He loves you. He loves you. He deeply loves you!

Time to Think

I've had time to think but have I really thought or reflected? If I'm truthful, I'd have to say no. Life has a way of grabbing your attention and keeping it. From daily routines, to event prepping, to pop up issues, it's a daily grind that keeps your mind thinking about everything but what is important. 

So what is important? Nurturing your relationship with God and others. With life getting first dibs for me here lately, I admit, my relationship has suffered. Not in a horrible way but suffered as not moving forward or maintaining. I've revealed a lot of things on these blogs and if you've read any of them, you know I've been on fire and I've been, especially lately, very nonchalant about God. I've been passionate and I've been over it. 

Like all Christians, we go through cycles in our walk. We go from discovery, to elation, to confidence, to trials, defeat, depression, stagnation, then realization and repentance. Then the cycle starts over again, with a vow to never stray again, which sets the stage for failure and ultimately a repeat of the cycle. However, for those in tune enough with God's dealings, you know there's the potential for understanding, revelation and growth from each cycle. As we go through struggles, the chaos of you gets purged out and is replaced by the serenity of His Spirit. If we cycle enough, we eventually leave all of us behind. 

We want results, we don't want the process. Trust me, no one likes the process. The Israelites didn't exactly jump for joy to walk in the wilderness for forty years. Moses didn't even know he was going through the process but God did. Do any of us like being changed in a fashion where it's uncomfortable or uncontrollable? I know I don't but the results are incredible, even though some of us don't realize there are results. That's when humility enters. Like Moses, we've been in the wilderness so long, our go get 'em attitude has been reduced to an I can't attitude. God humbles the proud and lifts the humble. Sound familiar? 

God takes us in an extremely proud state, shows us His Son's sacrifice, humbles us and keeps humbling us to the point where we can no longer stand on our own. If we are lucky, we get pummeled to the point where we are completely convinced we have and are nothing without Him. Moses is our example. Given the opportunity by God to lead His people, Moses shyly declined. He went from, hold my beer, I got this, kind of attitude, to an I cannot attitude. That's what forty years did for him. What's forty for us done?

I'm a 22 year old Christian. Meaning, I surrendered at age 30 to Jesus, making me 52 and I've barely crossed the halfway point of forty and I'm very positive I have more wandering in the wilderness to go through. 

We have an advantage though, we have forerunners like Moses to learn from. 

Back to me, I've been walking in the wilderness for some time now. It's a state of mind where I know I tried too hard to succeed. Just as Moses did. Escaping to my wilderness, I've shut out the possibility of being capable of moving forward. Some call it being stagnant or stuck in a rut. For me it's a problem of feeling incapable of being a good son.

Let me elaborate. My idea of being a good son is this. Being completely surrendered to God in a way where none of my self is visible. Where there's no friction and I flow effortlessly in Him and Him in me. I know it sounds impossible but scripture lays this out. We are to be one with Him as Adam was in the Garden. 

I believe it is attainable and there's the issue. I have become frustrated on how this process comes to fruition. I've swung and missed so many times that I don't even go to bat anymore. Is that the point though? Does God let us try and try and keep trying till we give up, only to then say we are ready. I have to say yes and if that's so, then I'm on the right path.

The path of,  I cannot do this in my power, thought or understanding. We must become stripped of all notions of self confidence. Humility comes when we don't recognize ourselves as humble. We can say that we are confident in God alone but if we know God can work through us, is that humility? Moses was at the point where he thought not even God could work through him. Some say, believe God can and He will. I say get to a point where you doubt God can and then you may be ready to be used by Him. 

We take our confidence and pride and weave it into God's capabilities and call it humility. God is not confused by this like other people can become. He knows our hearts and He knows that more failure, more trials, more personal issues lead to a true humble heart. One that says I can't. 

In reflection of this fact, I'd say I've had my fair share of wandering but has it been enough or is there more to come? Not sure. Guess I'll just trust His process for me.

To God be the Glory 

Tons to Talk About

My last blog was back in September of 2025 and here it's April 8th of 2026. Good grief time flies. I've really not felt like writing much. I usually write when I need to express my feelings or work through something but things have been pretty calm other than the 4 jobs I've went through in a year's time and am currently without a job now.

I think I attempted to write but I deleted it. I do that, delete my writing because I feel as though, what's the point. Then I get frustrated and delete it. Currently I'm fighting the urge to do that now. However, i need to do this for my sake.

I've hit a wall, but let me catch you up. I got a job back in September at a Chapel taking wedding pictures. That kept me busy so through the holidays. After, in mid January, I got fired. The narcissist boss didn't like my way of doing things and he felt threatened I guess. Anyway, water under the bridge. After that I spiraled a bit trying to figure out what I was supposed to do. Then it hit both my wife and I. What if we finally travel full time! We'd been looking for a camper for a couple years and had been back and forth on what to do and we landed on a camper van. Not a pre-built one but an empty one we will build ourselves. 

We will be full time on the road starting in October 2026, just 6 months away. Before that May 1st we are headed out west for two weeks to do a test run. Income while traveling? We are trying our hand at social media and earning a living as content creators. You heard me right. Yeah I'm shocked too. 

We are in our 50s,  trying to build from scratch, social media pages and channels and that's where my anxiety has hit hard.

I love being behind the lens, not in front of it but eventually I need to be comfortable in front of a camera, talking to an audience, editing and publishing my videos. My real issue, i don't like mediocre stuff. When I do something, I want it to look professional and polished. I hate the learning curve. I tend to be a perfectionist when I do things. I don't attempt something unless I have a good grasp of how I'm going to do it. This social media content creator stuff has me doubting myself again. 

It's a new day and a new experience and I won't grow unless I'm taken out of my comfort zone, right? Right! 

I can't stop thinking about our year trip. Her and I both have said, can't wait to get the two week trip out of the way so we can focus on this trip. 

I am up at 4am because my mind can't stop planning it out. Speaking of which, wanna hear some of my plans. Great!

We are leaving around the first of October, probably on the 3rd, which is a Saturday. My thought was to go to the spot where I proposed to her in the Smoky Mountains, it used to be Clingmans Dome, now called Kuwohi. It's the highest peak in the Smokies. I proposed to her on August 22, 1994 so it would be 32 plus years. From the parking lot, it's a mile hike to the top. Thought we'd get a good cry in as we say goodbye to home for a year.

Next, the Blue Ridge Parkway, another nostalgic trip. Our van life started in September 2021 when we took our first van conversion up the BRP for a week. I took out all the back seats in our Honda Odyssey, built a bed platform and off we went. It was the trial run for our last two week west trip in September of 2022. So I thought it only fitting to do the BRP as our starting point. It goes from Cherokee NC to the end near Waynesboro VA. We'll continue into Shenandoah National Park on Skyline Drive. Both roads are connected at the same point over I-64 in VA. Back when we did this trip in 2022, we didn't finish Skyline all the way to the north terminus, so this time we will. It ends in a town called Front Royal. From there to Richmond VA, on to the Outer Banks of NC, and down the coast to to visit family in Florida. Key West is on the list after visiting family, then up the west coast of FL into the panhandle. Another family visit there, then back home to TN for the Christmas, New Year's holidays. Back on the road on New Year's day to pick up where we left off along the gulf coast. Head west along the coast until we hit the Pacific Ocean in California. I was born in Santa Barbara California and I've always wanted to go back and see it. We'll hug the coast all the way up to the Canadian border, then go across the northern states east to the great lakes. Visit family in Ohio and the on towards Niagara. Now, we might go up into Canada to go above Lake Erie from Detroit to Toronto. Not sure yet but would love to try it. Come back into the US at Niagara Falls and continue up towards Maine. Then back down the east coast towards TN again. 

Timing looks like this: Oct leave home, work our way up BRP and Skyline Drive and Richmond within October. During November, make our way down the coast to Florida with Key West around Dec 1st. Be in the panhandle just before Christmas. Home for the holidays then gulf coast towards Texas in January and February. Southwest states in early March, April up the west coast arriving in the northwest in May. Travel east to great lakes in June and July. August in Canada and Niagara area. September in Maine then work our way home by October. 

After a year, not sure where we'll be. Maybe continue the AdVANture or not but if we don’t do this while we can, we'll regret it. 

I'm nervous, I'm excited and I'm ready to go.

We'll see how it all turns out.

Fasting

 

So wow, it's been a few months since my last entry and a lot has happened in my life. Firstly, I got a new job as a photographer for a wedding chapel. It's a friend's business and because of my posts on social media, they asked me to apply. So, now I see and photograph weddings, almost every day. Which is pretty cool. Hopefully I can get to a point of mastery with this new challenge. Oh, by the way, the above picture of the perched hummingbird is my first ever capturing one. I have some of it mid flight as well so I may use it in the next post. 

Well, lets dive into it shall we. Current situation, I'm on an extended fast right now. As of writing this I haven't eaten in four days. My goal is at least five, maybe more but I'm leaning towards five. Just don't want to push it too much. Why am I doing this. Mainly to reset my unhealthy habits in eating and lose weight, the other is too seek God more. Of course, learning more makes me realize the self involved aspect, mixed with spiritual truth makes me a mixture which God doesn't like. I should do another fast next month just for Him and not me but I don't know how to separate body from spirit as well as I should. In other words, if I go on another fast just for God, in the back of my mind will always be the physical aspect of the fast.

Let me elaborate on that physical aspect. If you've never fasted for more than a day, then let me bring you along the journey. One, food is more than a fuel to sustain our bodies. It is an entrenched psychological force that subconsciously dictates our daily lives. What do I mean by that. Every social event usually involves planning around food, like birthdays, gatherings, family social interactions, sitting down to watch movies or TV. Think about it on a daily timeline. You wake up and for most, you want something to eat for breakfast. So our day starts out with food. Do we prepare something or pick something up along our commute to work or school? Do we involve those we work with like a box of donuts for the office perhaps. Your day begins with thinking of food choices. After that it's almost an immediate conversation of, what's for lunch. Plans are made at work, school or with friends, restaurants chosen, delivery, packed lunch or other plans but right after breakfast, we talk and make plans for lunch. Snacks in between while we wait is often common too. After work or school, we dive right into the selection of dinner. Home, another eating out with friends or family, how about a BBQ in the back yard or food at a sports event with friends. Our entire day revolves around food pretty much from our first minute awake to our last minute awake each day. It's not only the hungry feeling but it's the pleasure of food, which in my opinion is engineered by food companies, to make us feel happy and tie that happiness to social interactions. Say you go out with friends to a restaurant for someone's special day. You go to celebrate that someone but psychologically, your mind ties food in with that fun time with friends and we grow up from birth attaching food to fun times. It's a double douse of dopamine. 

So our society has coupled food and fun together and that cycle is hard to break. When you fast, you get past the hunger pains as your body adapts from food fuel to fat fuel but what is harder to get over is the trauma of not eating while interacting with daily tasks. For instance, for dinner my wife and I usually sit in the living room and watch TV while we eat. So, like last night, I started to not want to watch TV because of the lack of food. I didn't have the craving to watch TV because it felt somewhat empty without a plate of food in my hands while I watched. It is that symbiotic relationship we have built between food and daily tasks that requires more than just physical preparations. There's two barriers to overcome with fasting. Most think it's the physical but for me it is much harder to overcome the mental issues fasting brings with it. 

In time though the desires for food in both realms fades away and in my opinion, is where the long fast truly begins. When you reach the day when food no longer has a grip on you physically and mentally, then you've reached a new beginning. Some call it moments of clarity. People that meditate try to attain this and many others try but you must remove yourself from the voice that calls to you many time per day. Once we remove ourselves from the addiction of food, we can then focus on other things. It's no different than a drug addict. They use to get away from the hurts in life and food can be used in the same way. We all have a little bit of a food addiction. Some more than others but we all tie food to either a good memory or a bad one and we eat to self medicate. When we fast, our crutch is taken away. It's so much more than just not eating in my experience. which, I have much. This will be my fourth fast over four days in my lifetime. My longest was seven and it was tough. This one seems to be going smoothly so far. 

Should you consult a doctor before you fast, I never have. I just pay attention to my body. If something doesn't feel right, I go back to eating. Now, I've learned of this fatal thing called refeeding syndrome where people fast for long periods then eat too much when they finish and the body goes into a state of stress that can cause death in some cases. That is terrible and must be avoided. I think if you are truly thinking of fasting or this has intrigued you at all, then do the research into the benefits of fasting and the cautions surrounding it as well. The reason I do it, and will probably do it more often is the physical benefits of it. 

Enough about the fast. What about God through this whole thing. Like taking away addictive food patterns, we also must take away addictive spiritual patterns. How? By fasting from any and all outward influences that tell you who, what and how to worship God. There's a buffet of God stuff in our American diet and most is pure junk food. Like our American diet, full of junk, our churches feed us mostly junk. Why would someone build a huge infrastructure, pipe in water from miles away when you have a natural spring in your back yard. Doesn't make sense but that is what we do. Much like our food addictions we are addicted to church and what it brings. It gives us that sense of good in our lives. We see and hear good, we interact with others we enjoy mostly and we leave refreshed. Why do we do this? Our source of living water is in us, so why do we go to the well miles away to draw water from a contaminated source. It makes no sense what so ever. God is within us and longs for a true and faithful relationship with us. However, some or most don't believe they are worthy of God's time. Well that's wrong because His Son paved the way for us to enjoy fellowship with the Father. It was the whole purpose of Jesus, to reconcile us back to God. 

We feed on so much crap from multiple sources now that our understanding of truth is so messed up we can't tell truth from a lie. Much like our food addictions, we are addicted to what tastes good and sounds good rather than what is healthy and right for you. My fast is to reset my addictive behaviors with food. Our fast from outside sources, when it comes to God, should also be turned off. The voices clamoring for you ear need to be shut off so the truth, God's voice, can be heard. Like food, it is tough to shut off all those preconceived ideas of God and how He operates in our lives. It likely will take a lot longer than a food fast but well worth it. I believe Jesus fasted for forty days, and I think it was a reset of sorts. He washed away the other voices so He could listen to just one voice. The devil being the other voice can also be interpreted as the selfish voice and the voice of others and we need to do the same. 

My next fast will probably be shutting all sources of influence off. Which means, social media, radio, preaching, church and anything that can influence my connection with God. That also goes for my own voice. Faith must arise and external and internal influences must be silenced if a deeper relationship is to occur. Paul put it this way, dying to self daily. I must stand aside, outside influences must be pushed aside in order for relationship to flourish. I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

To God Be The Glory In All.        

Dept and Love

Have you ever heard of digging yourself into a hole. I'm sure we all have. Like spending more than you earn. You get credit cards, max them out and then you have this massive dept that you can't possibly pay off, hence bankruptcies. However, the job or your pay isn't the problem, it's your spending habits. 

With God, we also pile up spiritual dept (sin) and have no way of getting out. No matter how we try, our dept to income ratio is way too high and can never be overcome by our attempts, hence Jesus. Jesus is like filing chapter 11 bankruptcy. Our dept is wiped clean and we have a whole new lean on life. Now if I was hundreds or even millions of dollars in dept, my house was being foreclosed on, my cars taken away and I was actually going to go to jail over my dept, wouldn't I be forever grateful if someone wiped away my dept with no strings attached. Wouldn't I want to be close to them, learn from them, help them and love them forever. Yes I would but in God's case, why do we not see the value of our salvation. Do we even want to live for Him.

We continually place value on all things. It's in our nature. We see the value of something, as again, a return on investment (ROI). If you put into something, what do you get out of it. Simple. However, with God, our ROI isn't seen, it hasn't been revealed. It's like a savings account you have no access to. At your acceptance of Jesus as your savior, an account opened up. We will be judged at the end on how much our account has in it but we have no access to it to see how well we are doing. 

Confusing, I know. Faith clears your dept and opens a new account. I used to think I had to keep a list of my good works, kind of like a spreadsheet. I'd do something good, one point for me. I'd do something I knew God didn't like, a ton of points deducted. I kept a tally in my mind of how I was doing and usually I would do poorly and was in dept up to my eyeballs again. I have come to the conclusion that God doesn't work on a merit system.

God works on Love. That's because He is love. Not the lustful love, but the genuine selfless love we all need to come to understand. God didn't send His Son out of pity, remorse, anger or frustration. Instead, He sent Him because He loves. If we had the ability to swoop in and erase all our children's dept and build them a huge house to live in and give them all they needed, would we. Of course, because we love them. Would we let them suffer first though. Yes. Why? Because suffering brings about humility and appreciation when the suffering is removed.

All of humanity could have been saved right after the fall of man. Would we be a people of arrogance or a people of humility if that happened though. Arrogance. To have someone's dept erased and for them to be eternally grateful for it, they must experience the dept. We must experience and truly grasp our desperation, our inability to make things right, our destitution, our complete and utter need for someone to pull us out of the darkness and into the light. 

In order to appreciate good we must know evil. In order to appreciate light we must live in darkness first. I have fasted for seven days before, and believe me, you appreciate food and it's abundance more after that. We must see our situation. We must grasp where we were and where we are going in order to love the one who has changed our situation. 

He loves and therefore we should love because of that. If we relegate God's gift to us, as a transaction of sorts, and we dumb it down to a simple handshake type of transaction, we never realize the tremendous gift of love. We must see the value of His gift. If we don't, our hearts never change. If we do see His gift for its value, that's where change comes in and it isn't change at a transactional level, it's love. 

The whole situation between us and God is this. He loves us, nothing else but that love must let us also see the value of love, hence suffering. If we don't suffer, we cannot appreciate the value of His gift through Jesus. Eyes that suffer see the value of love more than eyes that don't. It's as simple as that. Why is their suffering in the world people ask, to show us the value of love. Without it, love is devalued and it shouldn't be. Love should be exalted above all else, including self. 

If we ask ourselves one thing, it is this, where am I? Perspective of your situation is paramount in appreciating your current situation. If we have faith in Christ Jesus then we must reflect on that humbly. If we take it for granted, we have missed the entire point. Every day we breath and we have faith, that day should be filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and happiness. We cannot let the issues of this physical world overwhelm what we have in the spiritual world. We cannot! We see our terrible situation with friends or family or money or jobs and we compare our current troubles and devalue the gift given to us. We cannot do that. 

If our dept is forgiven, should we be set up in a mansion too or should we be given a tent to live in until we appreciate the immensity of our forgiveness. The tent of course. We are being judged on the amount of appreciation we have which equals out to love towards He that forgave us. God is love and He wants love in return. In fact, He wants to live in us through the type of love He has. We say, your kid is a chip off the old block, because they act just like you. However, do we act just like God after we come to Faith in Jesus. Hardly. We stay in a self absorbed mentality, bickering about anything not going our way. That isn't love for our Savior or our Father.

Seek first the Kingdom, which is God's love, and all will be given to us. If we could just remove ourselves from our physical, Earthly situations and meditate on our spiritual selves, we'll find we are rich and blessed and so loved. So, go sit and empty your worries about your job, your money, your health, and focus on who you are as a spiritual being outside of your body and things. See where you were and where you are now. See yourself before Jesus and yourself now. If there's no change between the two, ask God to open your eyes to His love for you. Once you see, you'll appreciate your situation more and you'll start to love like He does.

To God be the Glory! 

 

For Though Are With Me

 

Bald River Falls Near Tellico Plains TN off the Cherohala Skyway

I fell asleep on the couch tonight, yet again, and woke up around 1am with those words echoing in my mind; "For I am with you," Words taken from Psalm 23:4. However, how many days or times we think, He is against us or far from us. Our minds are programmed from childhood by our parents that disappointment, regret, errors and mistakes cause separation in relationships. Do we see our parents fight and make up or do we see fights, anger, a build up of regrets and bitterness? We see the later mostly. I grew up in a toxic house where bitterness and hate between my parents was an everyday thing. Divorce came and bitterness ruled the two throughout their lives. Instead of working through problems, they dismissed and avoided the root causes and let the issues be unresolved. 

That's why me and my wife turned the corner in our marriage around the ten year mark to fight through the difficulties and find resolution to our issues between each other. The same goes with God, however with Him, He forgives immediately and forgets forever. He looks at us as white as snow and clear of all issues. We however, continue to rehash our issues within ourselves and we never resolve our problems with ourselves.

I firmly believe, if we get real with ourselves, admit our issues and work through them, we would be a better people. Instead, we never ask, what can I do to improve. It's as though most people think, "this is how I am and there's no changing it." I've heard that before but I am proof of change. My marriage is proof of change. Not compromise where we tip toe around each other but true and real understanding of each other and we made every effort to change for one another. How often do we just throw our hands up and say, I am who I am and if you don't like it you can either get over it or leave. We have that mind set of rigidity and stubbornness. We deflect our faults and issues away from us and on to others or blame our surrounding environment or past wrongs done against us. 

Self evaluation in the presence of God is painful and eye opening for the one doing it. Spiritually, coming to God and asking Him to reveal your faults is like being cut open to reveal your insides. It's painful and necessary. However, if we let the great surgeon do His cutting, to get rid of the cancerous growths in us, He will put us back together clean and whole again. 

Men especially have this major issue of self reflection. We tend to crawl into our holes and seal the door behind so no one can see our emotional issues. Why would we? We are supposed to be the head of the house, the rocks, the fortresses. We are supposed to be the person others come to when they are weak not the other way around. So firstly, for guys, we have to get over the macho persona and begin to look inward at our faults.

I had to do this very thing when we counselled ourselves. I had to dredge up root causes for my behavior and deal with the pain of weakness. I had to tell myself I was a piece of crap. By the way, we are all pieces of crap. No one is good and for those that think they are, lie to their selves. That's of course our condition pre-Christ. We are junk, full of problems, daddy issues, mommy issues, trust issues and the list can go on forever. My point however is we are full of issues and that creates our anger, our bitterness, our personality, no matter how toxic it is. Coming to Christ for Him to release us of that stuff is overwhelmingly painful. Our lives, our problems, our roots are shown to us and we must either deal with them or suppress them and never change.

Change comes from dealing with our problems but to deal with our problems we must first see them and admit we have them. Denying we have issues never resolves anything. Like I said before, I had to see myself as a piece of crap, garbage and low. If we roll in the mud and get disgustingly filthy and never wash, how would we look. If we continue to roll in the mud and not shower, the build-up of mud and dirt and filth would build up. Over time the build up becomes so heavy, it weighs us down to the point of no return. 

For He is with me, encourages me. It's like someone rooting for your victory. He's your cheerleader, your coach, your running partner who's right there to help. We can't realize our filth until He points it out. Once He reveals our filth, He gently washes us to remove it but we must be willing to be washed. Sore and infections are cleansed and healed and we are returned to new. Take the imagery of the leper, who is full of sores and rotting flesh. Unable to make contact with others, lepers are shunned and sent away from society. They were sent into colonies to die. However, Jesus healed them. It's a perfect visual representation of our hearts. 

For He is with us! Once we receive the revelation of our filth, we must let Him cleanse us of it. You can be told your filthy and you can let that understanding cause you to spiral into a pit of despair and self hate. The enemy says, "yes you are a disgusting creature and you're not worthy to be fooled with, let alone be forgiven and cleansed." Once revelation hits us that we are dirty, another revelation must take hold and that is, God loves us and He wants us. No matter how dirty we are, He reaches out His hand of love and says, let me wash you clean. For the leper, he's been told not to touch anyone his whole life, yet it takes trust in Christ for Him to touch you and heal you. Don't draw away but draw closer. The closer you get, the cleaner you become.

So, my whole goal for this entry is this. Know that He is for you, not against you. If you feel unworthy, lay in His lap and let Him hold you. If you feel dirty, admit you're dirty and move closer to Him so He can wash you. If you feel alone and lost, know He is walking right next to you. 

Thank Him, Praise Him and Most of all, trust Him. For He is for us and not against us. He leads us and guides us. For He is with us! Go through the process of self awareness, revelation of the filth, confession of it, and the willingness to be washed of it. It is a painful but necessary process in our walk with Him.

To God be the Glory!