A Bit Overwhelmed

 

          I've tried to write this post three different times and in those times, I have deleted them about two paragraphs in. I am struggling. I have too many things going on now that we are in full Spring mode. I did get one project done, the van and now we are staring down the barrel of a full kitchen remodel and to help pay for that we have been doing Door Dash on the side. If we aren't doing Door Dash we are walking in the evenings. Either way, my nights have been late and my bed time around midnight or later. Last night we went to bed relatively early, around 11pm but now I'm up at 5am. So here I am, not frustrated but very busy and the only thing I may be frustrated over is my lack of dedication to God.

Yes, after all the instructions and all the posts, I have come to a point where there's a crack in my armor. I do fully know and admit that my time with the Lord has dwindled vastly. My middle of the night prayer sessions have all but ended due to our late nights and I miss them. 

One thing about being busy, is the motivation to purposefully spend time with God. There's a switch that gets flipped in your mind and often times you don't even know it happened. Very subtly and slowly we go from full on dedication to apostasy without even knowing it has happened. Excuses and lies form in our minds and then the ability to hear the Spirit is gone. If that happens the enemy has full control and we lose. I've been down that rabbit hole and it is no wonderland, trust me. Instead it is a deep dark place full of nothing but pain and loathing. So, I know all spectrums and right now I must set time aside. 

It is a slippery slope messing around the edge of dedication and self. Self is so alluring and it entices constantly. Dedication to God takes sacrifice. Out of the two, we must make up our minds, which we pursue. I choose God always because out of God is joy and contentment. He is truly the one to pursue. 

When in a struggle, I and you must remember not to try and work your way back to God. He is always there, He never left. It just feels like it when we screw up because we step away from Him not the other way around. His love for us is eternal and He will never leave us or forsake us. We however can chose to do that very thing. We step away and blame Him for our temptations and troubles. When we feel like we are drifting away, we cannot under any circumstances blame God for it. We also cannot try and work our way back to Him.

Work on our part is studying the Bible more, going to church more, listening to more sermons or volunteering at the church more. These things are fine to do but they will not reestablish relationship. The heart is where we begin with our trip back. No one likes to admit their faults. No one likes to say they screwed up. Most think by doing so it shows weakness but that's the whole point. We must bear our faults to God and expose our wretchedness to Him. He is the great physician and only He can heal. If we keep the nastiness bottled up inside, it will spread out and consume all parts of you and anyone around you. So, we must confess our sins before God and He will be faithful to wipe away the tears and forgive. 

Instead of works, our minds must realign back to faith in Him. Works cannot bring us back but an alignment with truth can. We must get back to the fundamentals of relying on God through faith. Flesh is strong but God is stronger if we rely on Him. We cannot say, I can't. If we believe we will always succumb to the desires of the flesh then God's ability to work in us has been shut off. He works when we believe He can work. He won't do His part unless we believe He can. His love overwhelms us and takes us under His wings and we should feel safe in it. Under Him we should be bold in saying my flesh cannot tempt me. Under Him we say my God is my fortress and nothing can come against Him.

When we stand with Him, no harm can come to us. If we step outside of His protection though and think we can do it all, then we are in trouble. Fully rely on His grace to keep you and protect you. Fall back into His arms and let Him keep you from harm. I admit my life has been way too busy and I have been reaping the results. I won't let my relationship suffer any longer though and I refuse to let Him go. 

He is my one true love. He brings me so much joy and I cannot forsake that. Neither can you. So, struggles happen. Struggles cannot ruin your relationship as long as you realize it, confess it and run right back to Him. Don't let the struggle define you but be defined by God's love. 

To God be the Glory! Forever, Amen!