God's Calling

I once again am sitting in my living room in the middle of the night, reaching out to God for insight, wisdom, understanding and words to put on this screen. My pursuits of Him seem to have hit a snag and I find myself not as enthusiastic as I once was when I started this blog adventure, yet I never want to go backwards and dive back into self ever again. It's a miserable place to be when you take yourself and lock your mind and heart up in a dungeon full of doubts and fears. So, with a less robust attitude than before, I continue to pursue. I cannot look back as Lot's wife did or the Israelites did as they left Egypt. I cannot say the giants are too big for me to handle. I must continue to lay down my life and my self for Him. 

I recently wrote about Jesus in the wilderness, that post went in a complete different direction than I had originally anticipated and this one may as well but I was basically stating that I was feeling like Jesus in the wilderness. As Jesus struggled with hunger from not receiving physical and I think spiritual food from the Father, the tempter came to see if Jesus would take the bait. What's the bait? To step out from underneath the will of the Father and pursue glory for Himself. It's the difference of knowing God has everything under control and you having unwavering faith in His plan versus doubt in His will. I you doubt, you take action outside of what He wants for you, in faith you fully rely on His will and His daily walk in and through you. Jesus was on that razors edge. He had the route of doubt or the route of faith dangling in front of His face. Turn this rock into bread, God is my bread; throw yourself down and force God to move on your behalf, do not tempt God; everything I own is yours, there is no other God. It was a battle for Jesus to step out of faith and into doubt.

I myself feel as though I am going through this very thing. I do not want to doubt one bit and yet the mind says to doubt and try something. See, Abraham did the very same thing. He had a promise given to him by God, that he would be the father of a great nation through a son. Already late in their years, of course doubt in that promise was instant at the time of hearing it. It was compounded by the fact that the physical evidence of no son battled against the words of God. For years they clung on to the promise until they reached a tipping point where reason and doubt over and faith left them. It was their doubt in God's word that left them with a son that was not of a promise but of desperation and doubt. Abraham's fruit was not of God but of self.

Same scenario with Jesus in the wilderness. God had a promise on Jesus' life. He promised to live in Him, be His Father and to guide Him. That's why Jesus said when you see me you see the Father. Jesus knew scriptures that pointed to Him and His calling in God and Jesus had faith in those words. He had faith that He was the Messiah. Moses had the same revelation given to Him. He was told that he was chosen to free God's people, yet He walked in His own understanding at first until his wilderness experience for 40 years humbled Him and made Him a vessel for God's use. Jesus never stepped out into His own will, not once after He was baptized. 

Me, I do not want to be involved in a drop of doubt. I do want to fully believe in God's word and in God's plan for me. His plan, as far as I know currently is to be a willing, empty vessel to be filled by Him. That can't be done if I doubt in His ability to do so. So, I wait in the wilderness, happy that I am still His, yet waiting to see His next move for me. Meanwhile my patience is being stretched and my mind is being hammered by the enemy daily. I just need to realize, like Jesus did, God has a plan for me and it involves Him living through me to do great works and to bring forth fruit. 

The main issue with knowing God's will for your life, like Abraham, Moses and Jesus did, is the temptation to fulfill that will in your own understanding. When we try and figure out how to fulfill God's will in our life, it is no longer Him that works through us but it is us that does so. Like the son Abraham had from doubt versus the son of promise, God cannot recognize the fruit of our own labors. So, when we take a word of promise from God and try to make it happen, the fruit of that is thrown out and a new start in Him has to be made. 

For example, say you receive a word from God one day in prayer that you were going to be a preacher. Now, in your current state, you've never preached, spoke in front of a church, or had the knowledge for that call. Immediately, your mind starts to gather information on the logistics of that undertaking. For days you struggle to put together how you are going to pull this off. Research and time with other preachers lead you down a path of self determined goals. After several years of struggles and sacrifices, you finally have your own church to lead and you are sure that God will bless you now that you have arrived. Yet, the opposite happens and just like the fruit of Abraham that was not of God's promise, God doesn't bless you ministry and everything falls apart in front of you. Now, doubt and loathing, pity and self destructive motives come and you curse God because in your mind, you fulfilled God's call on your life and He didn't bless it or protect it. When God calls you to do something, He also equips you to do it. He never puts a call on someone's life and then says, here do it yourself. God called Mary to be the mother of the Messiah. He even said, God himself will cause you to become pregnant. Mary never thought for one moment, I've got to go lay with Joseph so the call on my life will be fulfilled. No, once the question was answered of how can this be, she never tried to fulfill the word of God on her own. Jesus never tried to purposefully get hung on the cross, He neither ran from it or tried to run to it. He let God take care of the logistics.  

So my whole point is this, we may experience times of wilderness, where we say what now God. We may also experience a call on our lives, yet in both situations, we cannot try and create anything of our own. Failure will always follow self motivated outcomes. So I wait in the wilderness and make sure that I never lose faith in the one who brought me here. 

Lots of people out there live lives that are driven by self. This is the believers I'm referring to not the lost. They struggle and they wear themselves out trying to be and do the will of God, yet all it takes is a yielded heart that walks in faith in Him and His call for you. Make sure you let God know that you don't want to control anything in your relationship with Him. Let Him set the goals and let Him fulfill the goals. We are just along for the glorious ride.

To God be the Glory!