Creeping Doubt?

Have you ever had a moment of doubt come creeping in your head even though you know you should walk by faith. You know that if you walk in Him then there should be no doubt. Then you realize you are thinking about doing something out of self. Like you could do it. Instead, you quickly realize, I can't do it so instead you step back into faith and say, I can't even try but I don't need to try, I will just live in You God and You'll do it through me. Anyone do that besides me. 

I've become hyper aware of anything that has to do with self in me. I can also say that anything not of Him that I say or do is immediately called upon by the Holy Spirit and if I don't ask for forgiveness immediately it affects my countenance. That just happened yesterday. I said something I shouldn't have said and He called me on it. Now, when I said it I knew I shouldn't have done so. Yet, I didn't ask for forgiveness for it. 

My countenance changed after that, yet I didn't realize at that time it was because of that until now. As soon as I got up today to pray, write and just be with God I ask Him what was wrong and the first thing to pop in my head was that one word. I'll admit, it was a curse word thrown out in conversation at work and it happened so fast I didn't even have time to change it mid word into something more palletable. 

When we walk closer to Him, there's no room for darkness in His presence. There's no room for harsh language or rood comments or sarcasm even. As we approach Him and make our relationship with Him, He demands more. Those that have been given much,  much is required and by that any slip or any mistake becomes a moment of correction. 

The Bible says in Hebrews 12

"My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord,

and do not lose heart when He rebukes you.

6For the Lord disciplines the one He loves,

and He chastises every son He receives.”

Notice it says, do not lose heart. It says that because as children we tend to get our feelings hurt when we get corrected. I'm imagining a child that gives you that face of hurt when corrected, then screams and pitches a fit. You see the face and the crying the child does is to trigger a response from the adult. It's to trigger the, don't cry, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings response from the parents. We are so conditioned from childhood to respond that way because the first time the parent backs down and begs the child to stop crying the child has one. It reinforces the bad behaviour they got in trouble for in the first place. So now the kid thinks subconsciously, I can get away with anything as long as I shed some tears and pitch a fit. It's called spare the rod and spoil the child. Let them cry, let them sulk and stand your ground. Don't let bad behaviour be tolerated at a young age, your not doing anyone a favor by apologizing to them for correcting them.

When we pitch a fit on God, He doesn't back down. You either accept His chastising or you don't. There's no wiggling your way out of it. Trust me, it's better to accept His correction, ask for forgiveness and move on. I've done the sulking game with God before a long time ago and it doesn't work. 

So, one word caused a rift between us and I didn’t catch the error till later. My joy left me, my mood changed and I knew something was off. You say, we all make mistakes, don't be so hard on yourself, nobody's perfect. Those statements are not Godly. The Bible says, Be perfect as He is perfect, which is in direct conflict of how most people think. Well, perfect must mean something different or they didn't translate it right. No, it means what it means. We are called as Sons to yield to His Spirit in us. If we continue to yield and let Him take complete control through our faith in Him, then the end result is perfection as the One in us is perfect. Simple math but people get hung up thinking of obtaining perfection in their flesh. They recognize their failings and often times boast about their inability to do such a thing yet they never come to understand that it's God working in them and through them that accomplishes the perfection. We just believe He can do it. It's faith!

So, as we grow closer to that perfection in Him, there's no room for error and error is quickly pointed out. It's my pleasure to be chastised by God, it means He loves me and that He cares for me. It brings me to tears to create a rift in our relationship, not tears to pout and get my way but tears of remorse and repentance. 

I also cannot walk on egg shells trying to avoid the mistakes. Trying to avoid issues creates issue because now your walking in self and not in faith. You'll fall into religion if you constantly walk in rules, don't go back to that mess. Instead, listen to Him, get corrected by Him, repent, then continue your walk of faith in Him. We cannot go back to following rules set by ourselves. We must move forward in faith no matter how many times we stumble. Just get up, wipe your tears, accept His loving corrections then grab His hand and let Him lead you on. 

Thank you Father for Your inability to waiver and Your ability to lovingly correct my mistakes. As we walk together and grow, I understand that I am held to a higher standard. I know You will get me into Your perfection. I walk in faith in You God. Guide me by Your loving hand.

To God be the Glory.