Last night I stayed up late to write, which was not this blog but I had thoughts and ideas for blogs cascading through my mind and I came to a stopping point as the material suddenly stopped flowing. Which, if anyone knows how to listen to that still small voice, it was my cue to call it a night and head to bed. So, I got up and went to the bathroom and did the normal routine but when I finished, I felt as though God wanted me to just spend time with Him. So, I went back to the living room and started to thank Him for my day and His presence. I nearly fell asleep sitting up talking so I told Him I needed to go to bed. Then I just didn't feel as though we were done conversing so I said, you are able to help me get rest when I need it. You can give me energy for tomorrow if needed, what I need is to be sensitive to His needs and His wants right now. Did you know God needs you and wants you? He does. Just as we need Him, He needs us. He wants that relationship, that intimacy with His creation. If you are a good parent, you know you desire to have a healthy relationship with your kids. You want to hear about their day and you want to hear about their life. You want them to come to you instead of you doing the 20 question drill as soon as they walk in the door. You know that, please don't talk to me attitude, as they rush in the door and head to their room never to be seen again. You want that time to connect. God desires us too. He wants that connection and that togetherness.
I feel that we don't come to Him because, like our teenagers, we tend to feel judged for everything we do. Yes, He does get displeased at some of our actions but it doesn't stop the love He has for us. The disappointment we feel comes from the enemy because he doesn't want you to have a relationship. There is no condemnation in Christ, there is correction in love but no condemnation. We and teenagers hate to be corrected because that's the only side of our Father we tend to see growing up. Yet we don't understand that correction is love in action. Correction is used to push us away from bad things and pulls us to good things. However, we love to make our own mistakes and to blaze our own path and ignore those words of correction.
One of the hardest things I've had to do is to watch my son leave, not only home but the state, to pursue a girl he met at camp. We knew she wasn't right for him and we warned him extensively but in the end, we let him make that mistake. She ended up dumping him on his 21st birthday in a state where he knew no one. He was alone on the beach and we got a phone call from him that night as he sat alone. It was bitter sweet to hear from him. If we did not keep that line of understanding and love open to him, he may not of came back to us after that. If we condemned him and his actions, he may have stayed gone thinking we didn't love him. We may have never seen him again.
When we go off and do our own thing we here from the enemy, God doesn't love you. He hates what you've done and he despises you. You can't go back to him. That's what we hear in our minds and I've heard that very thing before so I know how it feels to have the weight of condemnation on you. It isn't pleasant and it isn't what God has chosen for you.
If you know one thing, then know this. God loves you, no matter what. He doesn't condemn you and he doesn't turn from you. We do that ourselves and then project our guilt on Him. Correction and condemnation are two very different things and we need to come to an understanding of what those two things are. I suggest reading the Bible and doing a word study on them. For now, let's get back to last night.
So, there I was in my living room just enjoying His presence. I don't have expectations and I don't require anything of Him but His presence anymore. It says, seek His kingdom first and everything else will be given. So, when you come to the Lord, be open, be honest. Say to him, I don't know how to come to you but I have faith that you will guide me and lead me in everything I need to know about having a relationship with you. It's just that simple. Share your thoughts with Him. Share your feelings with Him. Share your heart with Him as you would a best friend.
I was just talking to Him and I was just smiling and feeling so full of joy and happiness. I could have gone all night but there came a time when I didn't need to say anything else or do anything else. It's like talking to your neighbor over the fence and you just know when you've come to the end of the conversation. It's an organic thing. So, I finished my talk and I went to bed with a huge grin on my face because I felt loved.
This morning I woke up with that same grin, knowing He loves me and that I love Him was fantastic. A song came to my mind and it was the second day it had popped in there, so as I was in the shower and I had it playing on my phone. It's the song below.
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breatheThis is the air I breatheYour holy presenceLiving in me/2/This is my daily breadThis is my daily breadYour very wordSpoken to meAnd I... I'm desperate for youAnd I... I'm lost without youThis is air I breatheYour holy presenceLiving in meThis is my daily breadThis is my daily breadYour very wordSpoken to meAnd I... I'm desperate for youAnd I... I'm lost without you (eh hey, yeah)REPEAT.
Except for the line This is the air I breathe, I sang You are the air I breathe and You are my daily bread instead of this is my daily bread. It's more personal for me to sing it that way and to think of it that way.
So here I am listening to this and singing this and I just got wrecked emotionally. Tears fell and sobbing just a bit, with laughter and happiness. It was so awesome to feel His love just overwhelm me and it was because I just opened myself to worship Him in the time I had to do so. It was so sweet.
Just because you see or hear me or someone else share their experiences doesn't mean you need to repeat those steps or repeat their words to get results you desire.
Another words, its better to be encouraged by the stories and then seek out God in your own way and how He wants to communicate with you. Each person should have their own way to worship or communicate to God. It's very personal and I don't often talk about it but it needs to be shared for someone out there.
Since I have started this blog and rededicated my life to knowing Him to His fullness within me, I have not struggled in consistent "us" time with the Father each day. Before, I would go for a time then fade away like a blown bulb. However, now, it's like I have a renewed purpose and understanding that drives me forward in Him.
I don't say any of this to brag or to boast in what I am doing here. I want my experiences to encourage and to cheer you on. I have been on the side of doubt and fear and it isn't a good place to be.
So I encourage you all to seek Him out, have conversations with Him in faith. All things we do are in faith. Just talk to Him and see what He does for you.
To My Father be the Glory!
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