Continual Change Part 2

Part 1 was written in early to mid June but was never published as I fully intended to get back to it soon but didn't until now, late July. Lots of things have happened between then and now.

So let's continue shall we. Shortly after writing Part 1, I was fired from my job for no reason. I'm not going to hash out all the gory details as I have moved on from the anger, resentment and all the other unhealthy emotions that come with it. I've never been fired before. I've always prided myself on my work ethics and so this hit hard. Compounding upon all I've been through already, oh and by the way, the plumbers have still not gotten our shower installed. Still on back order they say. So far, 6 weeks have gone by since they did the other plumbing and over two months since this whole issue started. So yeah, over two months of using my son's or my dad's showers.

Anyway, my job. Never having been fired before, I was in uncharted territory. I filed for unemployment, which the last time I did that was more than 30 years ago so the process was a bit different and I began the job search. Through Indeed, Zip recruiter, Google, and others I scoured the internet for a full time photography job. I signed up for some freelance work but those weren't going to pay the bills. Until!

I happened to see a promising job with a company that does school photography for yearbooks and senior photos. I applied and got it two weeks after being unemployed. Which I thought was a good turn around. 

After my final interview and before they said yes, my string of bad luck continued. I got Covid again. Although, me being off that week was a plus. So, my interview was on a Friday, I got Covid that day, I felt it coming on during the interview. They contacted me Monday and said I had the job. I did all the onboarding stuff that week while I was sick then the following Monday I left for a training week over four hours away from home. My wife got Covid too, the week I was onboarding and while I was gone. 

Needless to say, it has been nuts! This job requires lots of travel so I'm not going to be home as much as I have been which I know will cause more stress in our lives. We've already discussed the inevitable consequences of being apart and we are prepared for those emotions to happen. I trained two weeks ago, today is my first shoot and I'm extremely nervous. Over the weekend we travelled 6.5 hours to Ohio to do something we had scheduled before all this mess happened, which was fun (details later) but we went up Friday and turned around Saturday and came back. Got home at midnight, turned around on Sunday to drive to my first shoot in NC 6.5 hours away. 

Had to be there the day before because our morning starts at 6 am at the school for setup. It's all moving too fast.

To recap, remodelling the house, on hold during this transition. Starting back up slowly in between my travel days. Still waiting for a shower to be installed. Career change, creating chaos short term but moving in the right direction as there is potential for advancement with them. Constant travel now has us worried about getting a newer vehicle. Money is tight as this job is less than previous job but this one has better benefits and perks and advancement opportunities. 

To say we have been in a season of turmoil and change is an understatement yet through all the issues we've had, our eyes are always looking towards God. I've quit asking Him a long time ago the question "Why". I now trust in the process, even though the process is painful, intrusive, abrasive and not pleasant at all, I trust in His timing and His end goal for us. I can't even inject my wants into the process because my wants may not be good for me. I want to be a photographer and so far so good but He may have a different plan or a better plan. I can only move forward in faith that He has a plan for us. His plan may not be our plan but I guarantee it will be good for us.

See, He wants us changed on the inside and He uses stress and environmental problems to mold us. I've learned long ago to recognize this process and to flow with it instead of resisting it. If my life is in chaos it is because He is molding my heart and I must trust Him in this process. Sure I complain and twitch and scream but through it all, in the back of my head I know it's ultimately good. Look at Moses, it took 40 years for him to become humble enough for God to be able to use him without him saying I can do this myself. Instead Moses was so low he didn't think God could work through him.

Each of us are full of pride and it takes several falls before we become humble enough to fully trust and rely on God. I'm not sure if I'm there yet but I can say I'm better than I was.

Today I turn the big 50! Yes happy birthday to me. I'm away from family and friends and amoung new co-workers and a new job over 6 hours away from home. I've never been a person who wants to celebrate me but I do wish I could be home today. 

Lastly, I'm not sure when this molding process we're in is going to let up but I'm hoping the results of it are for His Glory as always.

Continual Change Part 1

Looking East into NC, Flame Azaleas give this photo a center piece of color

 Over looking the mountains of TN and NC, Roan Mountain is situated on the border of both states. The middle of June is a perfect time to go as the native Catawba Rhododendron, the Flame Azaleas, the Blueberries and Blackberries are all in bloom atop several hill tops which comprise the entirety of the mountain. A trail stretching from the parking lot to the end will take you up three rises and down two in a six mile round trip which can be tailored to a distance to your liking. As the trail climbs to the top of the first rise, your afforded a wall of blooms from the Rhododendron which quickly yields to the Fir tree forest on the north flanks of the mountain. Coming out of the medieval looking forest back into the grasses, the top is within reach which gives you a 360 degree view of the NC and TN mountains on each side of Roan Mtn. Infographic signs on the west and east sides of the crest, lend you a description of the mountain peaks you can see from the 5,800 ft elevation. On the East side, looking into TN, the highest peak in VA is visible on the edge of the horizon. On the west side, the highest peak in NC and East of the Mississippi River, Mt. Mitchel is visible. 

The views are spectacular and so worth a full day on the mountain. It was icing on the cake with so many blooming plants. It was like we stepped into a fantasy world. The hiking continued as we dropped down to the small saddle between the first and second peaks. An easy descent and onto a steep climb to the next peak. It was definitely a lot steeper than the first as you climb on mostly exposed rocks and gravels to the top. At the top we could see the trail continue on the the next much taller peak. From the first peak, closest to the parking lot, the second peak seams to be joined to the third as if there was no downhill grade between them, only a continued up hill but from the second peaks top, you see there's another drop and a steep ascent onto the next and final peak. The trails are well maintained, wide and easy but as we had spent hours already taking pictures and soaking in the scenery, we decided to turn around.

The third peak will have to wait for another day which I fully intend on coming back, soon. With the full unobstructed view of the western horizon, I'd love to go back at sunset and capture the orange sky against the Appalachian Mountains below.  The second part of Roan Mountain, where the gardens were was closed for renovations. So if you go, prepare for parking issues. Go early, or go late to get a spot near the trail entrance. I'd say a weekday would be a good time as well. You must go though as this was one of my favorite places so far to visit in East TN. 

Let's switch gears just a bit and let's dive into the world of stress that I've been under lately. I needed the day out in nature as I had one of the biggest mental implosions last week. So far from last year at this time we have had our kitchen remodeled, the flooring redone (by me), the plumbing redone in the entire house due to a leak, electrical redone during the kitchen renovation, the bathroom remodeled completely which was pushed forward because of the plumbing, entrance doors to the house replaced, walls repainted and more to come like replacing the carpet in the bedrooms to the flooring I'm laying down plus siding for the outside. Oh yeah and our AC unit went out last week too. So that was replaced. Plus water heater issues kept popping up until it finally got fixed a couple months ago. 

So it has been a year of trials and tribulations and I pretty much lost my ever loving mind last week as my job hasn't been to kind to me either. Hence the photography side work and trying to break out into that business. 

Recap, kitchen remodel, electrical remodel with it, water heater issues, water issues, flooring in the entire house, job issues, well you get the gist. It's worse than a roller coaster after eating greasy food. Something was bound to blow and I did. It was a feeling of being so out of control like a passenger on a sinking ship. You know the ship is going to slip beneath the water and you just wait till it does. There's no stopping it or doing anything about it. It felt like my life was collapsing into a black hole with no escape.

I'm better now but I'm telling you the way I felt was scary dark. I couldn't function, I couldn't deal with one more thing. I couldn't even make a choice of what I wanted for dinner because my decision making functions had shut down completely. It was bad. Yet here I am on the other side, hoping something like that never happens again.

The plumbing is on hold so we have no shower or sink in the bathroom, just a toilet that I put back in. We have air now, good thing, as we are in the 90's for the foreseeable future. The doors are being installed, hopefully tomorrow and with them, the flooring and trim can be finished. That is, until we tear up the carpet in the bedrooms. It's all slowly coming together like our lives in Christ. 

I see my failures and my problems and I see the opportunities God puts me through to purge those from inside of me. 

It's a painful process but a necessary one as He is trying to transform us into His likeness and when we think everything is good to go, that's when it falls apart and your seeing a side of yourself you never knew. Until we are exposed to all of life's challenges, we cannot see certain things within us. 

Update: All the above text was written weeks ago. Why you ask? As I wrote this another huge development hit and my world was turned upside down even more. Frankly, I didn't even have time to think about this post, which I considered partially done, till now which is weeks after i wrote it. Instead of deleting and rewriting, I thought I'd continue the saga on tomorrow's post to catch you all up. So consider this part 1. Stay tuned for part 2. My life has changed yet again. 

To God be the Glory