I'm back!
I made it back from my 9 day cruise in worse shape than I left in. Somewhere on board I got a stomach virus which caused some major disruptions of food intake and food outgoing. Because the outgoing was rapid and like a flooded river, my last two days of the trip were miserable. Fortunately though, those were cruising days and I didn't miss any of the ports. If you ever want to lose weight, a stomach virus is the way to go. Gotta look at the bright side, I came back 12lbs lighter. That said, our time at the ports were awesome. We stretched out of our comfort zone and took three spontaneous tours of the 3 different islands with some new friends from Montreal Canada. Let's just say we bonded over a wild monkey and a banana incident. That's all I'm saying because what happens on the island stays on the island.
Photography was good while I was gone but the rapid tours from place to place, which basically was a shuttle from tourist trap to tourist trap was a bit too rushed for my taste. I'd like to go back to my favorite ones and just hang out there for a couple of days and get some more local flavors. I'd like to get some local people doing what they do on a day to day basis away from the tourists. I want the dirty, the disheveled, the original and authentic side of those islands on film. I want the elderly people, the children and all of them in between doing what they do.
When you get off the cruise ship and step into their country, you get the smiles and the welcomes but I'm not sure how genuine those are. Some, I feel are very genuine and others I feel like it is a show put on for us to entice us to spend money. I get it, most of the income of those islands are from tourists and without the hospitality, the money goes away. I too am from a tourist based economy and we are under the same principle. Yet I can't help but wonder who they are for real. Peal back the facade and are these islanders truly happy to see a bunch of well to do travelers spending money on junk they don't need. I'd say we spend more money on the cruise, tours, souvenirs, food and drink than they make in a year. I've seen their housing and their infrastructure and they are not making money. Of course money isn't everything and that's why I'd like to see behind the scenes and photograph the heart of the people.
Alright, enough about the cruise. Let me change gears and talk about what I want out of life. Travel photography is on my mind 24/7/365 these days. Yet the harsh reality of the whole situation is money, time, equipment and knowledge. I realize I have less days ahead of me than I have behind me and the reality of that has me wanting to accelerate my desires into reality. Each day spent doing the same thing is robbing me of what I want to do. The frustrating thing is I don't know how or what to do to change that.
Money is the big issue. How do I do what I love and not be tied down to a job. Yet a job feeds me and pays my bills. I'm trying to feel out what I want to do as a photographer. I like writing and I thought of doing photo journalism. I like taking spontaneous photos of people when they don't know they are being photographed but I can't figure out how that could be a money stream yet. I like travel, landscape and wildlife photography but there are so many photographers out there it is ridiculous. The competition is fierce to grab any type of job in photography.
So I sit and stew and wait and stew and wait some more. Can't quit though. More of my adventures from the cruise will come in later posts, but for now this one is done.
One last thing though. Some may be wondering. Where is God in all this talk about photography. To be fully transparent, I'm not sure. Him and I are walking in the wilderness currently. He's my shade in the day and my fire at night but where I'm walking to and how long, not too sure. I believe He will guide me in His own way through this dry spell as He has done in the past. I'm sure there are lessons being taught and lessons being learned. The one thing I do know is that God is God no matter what I do, say or feel. If I feel Holy one day and devilish the next it won't change Him at all. Consistency is who He is. No matter how many times we shift our thinking, behavior or heart, He remains the same. He is my north star, He is my unwavering rock. Knowing that keeps me from trying to do anything on my own.
If you look back at all I have written before now, you'll see that doing something is worse than doing nothing. Moses lived his life as a sheep herder for his father-in-law and had no desire to do what he did. Every figure in the Bible who tried to do things their way ended up failing because God was not the author or finisher of it. King Saul is a perfect example of doing things his way and you see how he ended up.
I know that I know that I am a vessel of God's purpose. A vessel cannot tell the potter how to make it or for what purpose to be made. The potter crafts the vessel for His purpose and needs. If I spend my entire life waiting to be used by God and He never uses me then at least I was ready and willing to be used. For most, the desire to be used overwhelms them and they go off doing their own thing thinking it is God who wants them to do it. People convince themselves God wants them to do missions or ministry because they have a desire and a feeling towards it.
I cannot justify my desires as God's desires. I cannot tow Him along saying God has blessed me. So I go about my life in anticipation of Him doing something through me. I'm tired of trying to force God's hand in my direction, because it will never happen. See, I'm learning already, I'm learning patience, faith and humility.
To God be the Glory!
