Small Victories

 

When I started this blog back on Nov 22, 2022 I had gone through a paradigm shift in my thinking. I went from circumstance consciousness to truth consciousness. What does that mean? So, instead of letting circumstances dictate how I thought or reacted or believed that day, I began to rely on God's truth instead. I let go of trying to change my life to letting Him change my life. I looked at it from a different perspective and as a result, I am changed. 

My idea of being a Christian was putting forth effort and thought into it. If I knew something then I could solve issues through knowledge. I tried that but something was missing. If I tried to read more or pray more or sacrifice more then that would do it. I knew something was off and I was trying real hard to figure it out but everything I did seemed to work for a day or maybe a week or sometimes even a month but there was always a reset back to where I was before. Often times, the reset took me back further than I was when I started. I got to the point where I stopped trying and basically said if God wants me to do something, He will ask or intervein. So I stopped everything. Which was a huge mistake. I felt myself slipping further and further away but I told myself, I believe in Him. Well, the devil believes in God. 

So, just before I stated writing I listened to Dan Mohler. I had done so before but something He said just stuck with me. He said to basically, stop trying to be and just believe that the Christ in you has the ability to walk for you, talk for you, see for you and hear for you. In other words, He would order my entire life if I just believed and had faith that He would. So I started to have faith and trust. I stopped looking at my past failures and stopped asking, what is wrong with me or why can't I get this and it is going well so far. 

One change in the way I think, changed me entirely, one perspective shift did it. The issue with why we don't get this or teach this is that it requires little to no effort on our part. We have to just believe in the finished work of the cross and in the ability of the Spirit to change us from who we were into who He is. So, because it only takes faith, we often struggle with it. "It" being love, peace, joy, happiness, self-control and everything God is. 

Before, I would rely on results. If I stayed up all half the night praying for God to move in me to make me more like Him then I'm praying for my flesh to be exalted, unknown to me of course. I always thought that to get something, you prayed for it and God would answer the prayer. I also knew it didn't work for money, cars, and other selfish stuff but for more of Him or a Spiritual gift I thought prayer worked. Then the understanding of faith came into play. If I drop to my knees and wail and complain and cry for God all night and day and I fast for a week but I never have faith that He can live and be in me then all the prayer's in the world won't move Him. 

It is incredible how much faith changed my perspective and my walk in Him. I mean it's like night and day. Before, I held judgement and condemnation for myself. If I couldn't get what God wanted or didn't understand what direction He wanted me to go, I'd fall apart. Now, I just trust. I know He will do things in me and cause me to be. I never worry about my day, I just have faith in Him. Before, I relied on things going well but one slip and I'd fall into a massive self loathing campaign that could last from hours to weeks or longer. I judged my relationship with God on how I performed that day. If I slipped and did something the Spirit convicted me of, I thought of myself as a failure. Now, I know He has it all under control and He does.

My mind was set on sin and flesh and trying to avoid the mine field of them. I was always aware of my faults, mistakes and lack. It was no different than being under the law of Moses. In my mind I had certain ideas of how I needed to conduct myself and each time I failed. So now, I don't look at sin as a thing anymore. I don't look at flesh anymore. If you give them attention then they have power over you. Lets try and see if I can properly describe this.

We are helpless to avoid sin and flesh yet we have someone who can do that for us. If we let go our attempt at control then we can let Him have control in us. If we let Him have control through our faith in Him to do so, then we can let go of the control and let Him do it in us. Now I want to praise Him and love Him and spend time with Him because of His goodness and love to correct what was wrong in me. I want to appreciate Him more.

I got an image in my head. The difference in walking in my efforts versus walking in faith in Him is like trying to pedal a roller-coaster. What if when you got on a roller-coaster there were pedals on the floor that you had to pedal in order for the coaster to move. You'd climb in and start to pedal but as soon as you hit that first hill you'd struggle and struggle to make it to the top. It may take you a long time to get up there but once on top, that car is grabbed by gravity and your victory is short lived. Down you go and for a small moment, the ride is awesome until you can't clear the next hill then it's a struggle to get back up. Around and around you go and you work to get that few moments of happiness then the next challenge comes and your right back to working again. When we believe in God to be in us through His Spirit, to live and do and be through us, the coaster becomes like it should, fully powered where all we have to do is ride. We don't know how many hills or valleys but it doesn't matter because we do not have to work to climb out of the valley. The quote, The valleys made high and the mountains made low comes to fruition when He is living through us. We no longer have to worry because nothing can affect us anymore.

I can say that the things I struggled with, I no longer do. The things that bothered me, no longer does. I'm more aware of others needs than my own and I do not feel like people are a burden. I am becoming like Him and I can feel the change in me with how I think and how I function on a daily basis. It's incredibly freeing when I do not have to worry about peddling up the hills. I count every day as a small victory and I look forward to more as I go from who I was to who He is. 

To God be the Glory